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It's OK To Grieve While it may carry with it a myriad of emotions--sadness, loneliness, guilt, anger, loneliness, despair, and depression, to name a few -- grief is as much as a process as it is a set of feelings. It can also be a long and difficult journey. The grieving process takes time, so don't try to rush it. It takes some people years to complete the journey. Just when you think you have a handle on your grief, something occurs to serve as a reminder that you haven't completed the grieving process after all -- a birthday or holiday, a favorite song, a movie, an activity. All of this is normal. Most long and difficult journeys can be made a bit easier when one knows what to expect and prepares accordingly. Familiarize yourself with the grief process. You may try to lessen the burden of grief by denying your negative emotions. You go back to work and your daily routine, acting as if everything is normal again. From down inside you somewhere, however, those slices of pain gnaw at you -- the loneliness, the sorrow, the fear of what tomorrow, or next month, or next year may bring. Until you deal with your pain and your loss, you may prolong your emotional and even your physical healing. When you confront your grief, you allow yourself to work through those hurtful emotions that may be preventing you from returning to a normal existence. You can slowly let go of the past and face what lies ahead which, believe it or not, is a sense of normalcy and a restoration of your heart and reestablishment of your self. You have tears that have yet to be shed but you may feel self-conscious, that perhaps if you suddenly begin to cry you'll draw attention to yourself. Or, you feel that if you cry, people will ask why and you're just not quite ready to talk about your grief. Did you know that tears contain leucine-enkephalin, which is actually a natural pain reliever? Anger and resentment are quite normal in the grief process. At some point, you may harbor resentment or feelings of betrayal toward the person who "left you behind" or "left you all alone." Or perhaps you're angry and want to find someone to "blame" for allowing your loved one to be taken from you. Find a physical way to release these feelings but do so in a way that won't bring harm to you or someone else. Pick up a rock and throw it as hard and as far as you can into the ocean. Go to the driving range and really let those golf balls have it. Wait until no one else is around and yell at the top of your lungs. Anger and sadness and depression are energy zappers. Take heart and congratulate yourself as you make progress overcoming your grief. As the weeks pass, notice how far you've come. You'll never get back what you lost. But as you make the journey through grief, you can gain strength and return to a relatively normal life again. Who knows? In some ways you may be stronger and richer for having made the journey.
Grief Support Group - Help Ease A Loss Help Ease A Loss (H.E.A.L.) grief support meetings are held weekly at Hospice Maui to help people deal with the loss of loved ones. Meetings are free and open to the public – they are not restricted to the families of patients who have been on hospice service. Trained counselors and social workers facilitate the meetings. They are held alternately on Tuesday or Wednesday each week in the Hospice Maui Meeting Room at 400 Mahalani Street, Wailuku. Meetings usually last for an hour to an hour and a half, and the Tuesday sessions are at 6pm, while Wednesdays begin at 3pm. The schedule for the remainder of 2009 is shown in this section of our website. If comfortable enough, people introduce themselves and share their stories and feelings. Participants talk about the deaths of loved ones, the effects the deaths have had on their lives, how they are working through their grief, processes that help them, challenges they are facing, and any other topics that may be connected to their loss. No one is required to talk. It is difficult for most of us to share our feelings, particularly when the death may have been recent. We do ask that everyone listen with an open mind. H.E.A.L. members are very tolerant of others’ views. After the death of a loved one, many priorities and values may change. Since grief affects us all differently, many people don’t feel the need of a support group until years after the death of a loved one. It’s all right to come to meetings whenever you are ready, whether it’s soon after the death or even years later. No reservations are needed – come whenever you feel up to it. We do suggest, however, that you determine if the meeting is on Tuesday or Wednesday for the week you plan to begin attending. You can check the Maui News Datebook that week, call Hospice Maui at 244-5555, or check the H.E.A.L. Meeting Schedule right here on our website.
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Bereavement - It's OK To Grieve
