It's OK To Grieve

      While it may carry with it a myriad of emotions--sadness, loneliness, guilt, anger, loneliness, despair, and depression, to name a few -- grief is as much as a process as it is a set of feelings.  It can also be a long and difficult journey.  The grieving process takes time, so don't try to rush it.  It takes some people years to complete the journey.  Just when you think you have a handle on your grief, something occurs to serve as a reminder that you haven't completed the grieving process after all -- a birthday or holiday, a favorite song, a movie, an activity.  All of this is normal.  Most long and difficult journeys can be made a bit easier when one knows what to expect and prepares accordingly.
      Familiarize yourself with the grief process.  You may try to lessen the burden of grief by denying your negative emotions.  You go back to work and your daily routine, acting as if everything is normal again.  From down inside you somewhere, however, those slices of pain gnaw at you -- the loneliness, the sorrow, the fear of what tomorrow, or next month, or next year may bring.  Until you deal with your pain and your loss, you may prolong your emotional and even your physical healing.
      When you confront your grief, you allow yourself to work through those hurtful emotions that may be preventing you from returning to a normal existence.  You can slowly let go of the past and face what lies ahead which, believe it or not, is a sense of normalcy and a restoration of your heart and reestablishment of your self.
      Every difficult journey seems more manageable when you don't have to travel alone.  Find those who have made similar journeys.  Listen to their accounts and have them listen to yours.  An excellent vehicle for this is Hospice Maui's H.E.A.L. Group.  Seek spiritual guidance and support.  If you belong to a church, talk to a counselor.  Visit your local library , or Hospice Maui's library for books written by people who have been through the grief process.  Access the numerous resources available on the internet.
      You have tears that have yet to be shed but you may feel self-conscious, that perhaps if you suddenly begin to cry you'll draw attention to yourself.  Or, you feel that if you cry, people will ask why and you're just not quite ready to talk about your grief.  Did you know that tears contain leucine-enkephalin, which is actually a natural pain reliever?
      Anger and resentment are quite normal in the grief process.  At some point, you may harbor resentment or feelings of betrayal toward the person who "left you behind" or "left you all alone."  Or perhaps you're angry and want to find someone to "blame" for allowing your loved one to be taken from you.  Find a physical way to release these feelings but do so in a way that won't bring harm to you or someone else.  Pick up a rock and throw it as hard and as far as you can into the ocean.  Go to the driving range and really let those golf balls have it.  Wait until no one else is around and yell at the top of your lungs.
      Anger and sadness and depression are energy zappers.  Take heart and congratulate yourself as you make progress overcoming your grief.  As the weeks pass, notice how far you've come.  You'll never get back what you lost.  But as you make the journey through grief, you can gain strength and return to a relatively normal life again.  Who knows?  In some ways you may be stronger and richer for having made the journey.

Hospice Maui | 400 Mahalani Streeet | Wailuku HI 96793

Phone:  (808) 244-5555 | Fax:  (808) 244-5557